Contains strong language that my Mother didn't like at all
May 23 Dear Maxie,
What am I doing here?
I would have put down the day of the week instead of the day of the month except I’m not exactly sure what day of the week it is. Days run together here – everyday is the same, a working day, seven days a week. The only difference in days is that on Sunday we get a malaria pill. I hate to sound so depressed, but I am. It all seems so useless, such a bunch of crap. The guys seem so young and so gullible.
Have been looking at your wedding picture – I can’t get over how beautiful you look. Sometimes it’s hard to believe that I could be married to someone like you. It’s seems like a dream almost unreal. You look too fresh, like something from another world. I want to be with you so bad that I can almost taste it. I miss you, Maxie, more that anything or anyone that I’ve ever missed in my life. You know that it’s hard for me to say what I feel, but this is one thing that I can say – I love you. It seems so simple but it says what I want to say. Just 3 words to express a flood of emotion. Seems almost trite – just three words, but they say so much and say exactly what I want to say. I know of no better way to say it. I love you. I love you. My cup runneth over with love. The song’s playing on the radio and it says how I feel. It’s unfair that two people could be so happy and then be taken apart. Yet it gives me so much to live for – to come back to- just to be with you is all the reason I need and more. I’ll come back to you. I have to. I wonder if you feel the same way I do – no I don’t wonder, I know you do. I love you.
My Maxie
Today has been another day just like yesterday and just like tomorrow. I think that’s the hardest thing to take, the sameness of the days. The heat, the same people with the same bull shit stories. Guys coming with problems – and some of them have some real problems, too. I have been thinking about becoming a lawyer just to help out some of these poor bastards. We had a guy come in today who lost the sight in one of his eyes and they’re keeping him in the Corps and in Vietnam. I almost went buggy when I found out about it. What right do they have to keep a man here who has given one of his eyes to this green mother fucker. My G-d what else to the expect him to do. If I have one aim in life, it would be to help guys like that to stand up for themselves and let someone know when they’ve done enough or more than their share. If I sound mad, I am, I’m burned up. I think it is the greatest injustice in the world to make a guy like that stay here when there are people in the States sitting on their fat asses who don’t even go in the service and who could care less about the guys over here. It’s a rotten war and a useless one in a way, but if we’re going to fight it we should either be behind it or quit completely. Pardon me for getting so excited about it but I think it’s such a waste and I hate it.
Really, hon, all I need is to be with you again and I’ll be OK. It’s just that being here gets me down. I can imagine how horrible my letters sound, but I have to tell someone how I feel. You’re my wife and you should know my every thought and action whether good or bad.
I love you.
Gary
P.S. Read this letter over and it sounds horrible. Am going to send it anyway because it does express some of my feeling and I have to express them. In a way I hate to tell you things like this but I think it best that you should know. Forgive me if I’ve said anything to bother you. I love you and want you to share everything with me because you are me. Just never stop loving me.
